can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
