Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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