Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
