Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
