She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it was like eating out sand paper
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
