We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
