I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
