He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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