I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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