You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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