I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
