Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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