my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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