Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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