the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
