Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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