Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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