She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
