dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Congratulations! We have a period
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
