forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
