omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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