Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
