OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
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she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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