after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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