when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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