and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
