Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm too high and old for this...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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