Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
