I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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