I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
