some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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