Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
