I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
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We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
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I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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