sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
