I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Welp...herpes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
