I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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