I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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