The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
