I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
