I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize