Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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