Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
