ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
