I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i out mim tonsoeep
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