i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
