I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
