I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
