can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
