you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
