I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
