I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I party with great urgency now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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