I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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