Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
