This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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