we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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