Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
