I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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