Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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