just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
