i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
