im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
