Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
