is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
