Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
