the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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