Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
