I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
