All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
