11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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