look no pants
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
PANTIES FOUND
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