He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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