never play flip cup with pint glasses
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
