dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
