So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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