I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
