people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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