This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
