Is it normal to miss your booty call?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
