It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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